February 23, 2009 -- I've cobbled together a few aphorisms, theorems, definitions and other observations on life, scholarship and the arts. I expect to add more as time goes by so check back from time to time. You can quote me if you like, but do me the courtesy of accuracy and attribution.

The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the cost of the wedding.

History is like a bright headlight mounted on the back of a car speeding along a dark road: It does not light the road ahead.

Those who know history suffer even more because they know we are doomed to repeat it.

No artist's vision is worth the slightest amount of suffering by any member of any audience who pays a fee to witness it.

Avoid restaurants with skinny cooks.

Fox News is to real news as “reality TV” is to reality.

There are an infinite number of beliefs unsupported by evidence. Why spend valuable time on any of them? (inspired the Pharyngula bloggers)

Art Film: A film in which the artistic goals of the filmmakers are a much higher priority than, and somewhat disconnected from, the goal of entertaining the audience.

Conservatism: A political movement dedicated to restoring and preserving the prejudices, racial and class privileges of previous generations.

Conspiracy theory: A simple explanation for a complex situation, formulated to lay all the blame for all problems on people you don't like.

Film critic: A person who has a preference for films that are very downbeat, depressing and/or very slow-moving who also happens to write movie reviews.

Fundamentalist Christian Republican: A person who does not believe in evolution, but does believe in Social Darwinism.

Vultch: (verb) To cruise around a parking lot waiting for someone to pull out of a desirable parking space so you can move into it. As in: I managed to vultch a spot.

Copyright © 2009 Robert Roten. All rights reserved.
Reproduced with the permission of the copyright holder.

Robert Roten can be reached via e-mail at .