[Moving picture of popcorn]

Laramie Movie Scope:
A Bush league education

Looking backward, a Bush league education

[Strip of film rule]
by Robert Roten, Film Critic
[Strip of film rule]

May 16, 2005 -- There have been vast improvements in education since the Reagan-Bush Republican-literalist Christian revolution (remember, you can't be a Christian if you aren't a literal Republican) of the late 20th and early 21st Centuries.

Gone are the days when infidels ruled the nation's college campuses and faith-bashing science instruction was still taught to impressionable children in our schools. The sciences of astronomy, geology, physics and biology have been revolutionized by eliminating all teachings which indicate the universe is more than 12,000 years old. Gone is the teaching of evolution since intelligent design became a required federal doctrine. Gone are the faith-bashing professors of philosophy. Gone are all non-literalist Biblical theological teachings. Gone are feminist studies and minority programs. Gone is the heresy of radioactive carbon dating. Unfortunately, the rest of the world has not followed suit, and, except for a few Middle Eastern countries, United States science graduates are having a hard time finding jobs overseas, but who needs jobs offered by infidels, anyway?

A large number of troublesome scientists, feminists, homosexuals and other counter-revolutionaries fled to other countries during the faith revival. This led to the complete rebuilding of virtually every science, music, theater and dance department on every campus in the country, along with the entire entertainment industry. The result has been a much more wholesome and satisfying educational, theatrical, movie, radio and television experience for everyone in the United States. While Toronto became the new world capital of the entertainment industry, the United States is well rid of these negativistic trouble-makers, perverts, infidels and blasphemers. The space program has also fallen on hard times. The Hubble Space Telescope crashed into Topeka, Kansas and the International Space Station destroyed Crawford, Texas after the latest in American-designed baptismal water-powered spacecraft failed to lift off on their rescue missions to save the satellites. Oh well, who needs the moon and Mars, let China and Russia have them!

The abolition of voting rights for 18-year-olds, the abolition of alcohol, together with heavy use of advanced surveillance equipment and pregnancy-marriage requirements has virtually eliminated sex on campus, reducing the spread of venereal diseases, and leading to much happier, well-adjusted (albeit much smaller) student bodies. The fact that this was accomplished despite the outlawing of all birth control devices is a triumph of the revolution. It has, however, led to a considerable decline in the female student population, and a corresponding increase of the same in Canada and elsewhere, despite huge increases in armed guards, walls and razor wire on the border. Compulsory military drafting of non-cooperative students has also proved to be a good disciplinary tool, as well as providing much-needed help to the nation's glorious Christian soldiers. The nation's armed forces are entering their 50th year of fighting the stubborn Iraqi, Iranian and Syrian insurgencies of the New Crusades. Grand Elder George Herbert Dubya Bush VI assures us, however, that the wars will be successfully concluded soon.

Yet another beneficiary of the revolution were the nation's libraries which had become seriously overcrowded with dangerous counter-revolutionary volumes. Now the nation's libraries that are still open have lots of empty space on their shelves and are rapidly expanding their government-approved religious holdings. Another beneficiary of the revolution has been a much richer spiritual life for the nation's poor and the aged. With the elimination of welfare, medicaid and medicare, many God-fearing people are learning the benefits of relying on God for all things. They are learning the truth of St. George's most famous words: “Ya can't be rich unless God likes ya. If yer poor, ya jest gotta get right with God.”

Kindergarten through 12 education has been revolutionized as well. Utilizing the power of faith-based initiatives, most classes are now taught by Sunday school teachers, saving billions of dollars in education spending. Since the passage of the Frist-Delay religious education standards law, requiring all high school seniors to memorize the Bible, or the Book of Mormon, depending on the faith of the student, the religious knowledge of students has blossomed (an attempt was made to outlaw the LDS Church, but when the Mormons acquired their own nuclear missiles, it seemed smarter just to leave Utah alone). True, scripture memorization and the five hour daily prayer requirement (thanks to the far-reaching Affirmative Faith Amendment to the Constitution), has required a cutback in other educational areas, such as math and writing. The benefits outweigh these small sacrifices.

On another good note, the background radiation is dying down in Saint George (formerly known as New York) and Los Angeles, as a result of terrorist bombings. Those two great cities are expected to be repopulated soon, despite a drastic decline in the nation's population in the last 30 years and a persistently bad economy for the last 50 years. The great educational institutions in those cities, and their churches will soon be open for business again. Pray to St. George that more self-exiled people return to their holy homeland! The Holy Christian Empire of the United States is unstoppable! Long live our most holy Christian President!

[Strip of film rule]
Copyright © 2005 Robert Roten. All rights reserved.
Reproduced with the permission of the copyright holder.
[Strip of film rule]
Back to the Laramie Movie Scope index.
[Rule made of Seventh Seal sillouettes]

Robert Roten can be reached via e-mail at my last name at lariat dot org. [Mailer button: image of letter and envelope]

(If you e-mail me with a question about this or any other movie or review, please mention the name of the movie you are asking the question about, otherwise I may have no way of knowing which film you are referring to)