(2007) Frightfully funny, director/writer/co-producer Max Mitchell warns his audience at the outset that because his farcical film contains nudity it's "Not suitable for American children." (On the DVD - you'll probably never have a chance to watch this in a theater - you'll have the option of "Bonus Crap" in addition to "Play Dammit.")

FAX News ("news you can't getaway from") announces the war on sex to be waged from the White House by President Pat Robertson and Vice President James Dobson. Meanwhile in New Mexico, two biogeneticists in Farmasuiticals Laboratory - Richard Bolbrook (Perren Hedderson) and Ed Picante (Morse Bicknell) - are having difficulties getting an extension for funding from their venture capitalist, even though they've won the Golden Tomato award. At the same time, the two best friends are cheating on each other by screwing the other's spouse.

After reading an article by Richard, published in Science Journal, President Robertson offers the two scientists $20 million of taxpayer money ("This has important human application") for their formula to prevent teenagers from having indiscriminant sex. Rick, an atheist, opposes the president's offer on ethical grounds (besides, it's not even effective yet on rats, let alone for people) while Ed wants the money, rationalizing they'd be doing a community service to eliminate unwanted pregnancies (if they can make it work).

Discussing the situation with their wives - Ed's wife Lisa (Jiji Hise) says marriage is enough to suppress a sex drive - the two men decide to take the federal dollars. Using volunteers - a female soldier, a male and female couple who are gay, and Rev Karl from the Trailer of God - hooked up to sexometers to test human reactions to the experimental concoctions, Rick and Ed see promise in formula 4708, which appears to turn off the trick.

Before they can inform the president of their progress, Homeland Security has already stolen the libido antidote. Determined "to put a stop to sex outside of marriage," President Robertson orders the antidote sprayed from military jets as well as added to water and every product on the market for immediate mass distribution.

Back in the lab Rick and Ed notice that their lab rats are still mating after all - but with a member of the same sex. (During the segments of FAX News broadcasts crawlers appear at the bottom of the screen: Baghdad has been renamed Bushdad.) Thus, formula 4708 doesn't repress a person's sex drive, it reverses sexual orientation. "We'll find an antidote," Rick promises, though finding one may take years.

In the meantime, Lisa and Rick's wife Joan (Courtney Bell) begin practicing nude yoga together. The divorce rate rises by 300% while the birth rate plummets. Heterosexuals are refused entrance into the military. A new Bible is issued to correct the sacraments of the old one's prohibitions on same-sex unions; Rev Karl preaches about "the heterosexuals hiding among us." Most states approve of gay marriage; Elton John romances with Rosie O'Donnell.

Rick and Ed gradually realize their deeper, more intimate feelings for each other: "One day a peck, next day a pecker." At first President Robertson tells the press, "I am not now, nor have I ever been gay," but with his approval rating climbing to 90% (and his relationship with Dobson taking on new intimacies), he calls for a constitutional ban on heterosexual marriage and commands Farmasuitical Laboratory to cease and desist with developing an antidote to formula 4708. The world has become much more peaceful.

Not knowing how to be gay lovers, Rich and Ed remind themselves: "You saw Brokeback Mountain. Just drink a lot of whiskey and trust your instincts." To make sure there will be no antidote, the Secret Service pays a visit to New Mexico.

(According to the movie, Al Franken becomes a US senator, with whom the vice president has an affair. FAX News also reports the fates of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney.)

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Copyright © 2008 Patrick Ivers. All rights reserved.
Reproduced with the permission of the copyright holder.

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