(2004) The brain (of a man) is the mind (of a pothead) is a penis, or so one might assume from this crude, collegiate, cornball comedy (directed by Danny Leiner) of a hunt for hamburgers (but not just any beef patty between buns) by writers Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg.

The American dream of second-generation immigrants is the pursuit of happiness away from persecution, poverty, and hunger. Especially hunger. In New Jersey, displaying appetitive behavior, twenty-something roommates Harold Lee (John Cho), a Korean-American junior analyst with the investment bank Brewster Keegan, and Kumar Patel (Kal Penn), a brilliant Indian-American med-school candidate (perfect M-Cat scores) mooching off his father, watching TV get the munchies before getting high - "I want the perfect food" - when they see a commercial for White Castle hamburgers (with those itty-bitty onions).

Returning from work with an extra assignment foisted upon him, Harold enters the elevator with Maria (Paula Garces), the girl he most wants to be with in the world, but he's tongue-tied with inhibition; wearing a sweatshirt that reads "I (heart symbol) BUSH the pussy not the president," Kumar, afraid of becoming just another nerdy Indian doctor like his father and older brother, makes no serious effort during interviews, such as with Dr Willoughby (Fred Willard). They drop in on neighbors Goldstein (David Krumholtz) and Rosenberg, who decline an invitation to join them because they are watching The Gift on TV, waiting to see Katie Holmes's titties.

Safety-conscious, law-abiding (paranoid) Harold panics, throwing the weed out the window, when Kumar driving goes through a toll booth's red light. Where Kumar expects to find the White Castle, instead a Burger Shack appears. The next closest franchise is in Cherry Hill, 45 minutes away, and Harold still has to get his assignment done on his laptop - but first, a detour to Princeton for fresh supply of grass where they almost get laid by the "diarrhea twins." Whew!

A raccoon gets inside the car and bites Harold, necessitating a trip to the hospital (check for rabies) where Kumar performs emergency surgery on a trauma patient. A near collision with Rosenberg and Goldstein, on their way to Hot Dog Heaven, followed by an off-road experience brings on Freakshow the Jesus freak (Christopher Meloni) with his oozing boils and tow truck, taking them home - "We've entered the Twightlight Zone," says Kumar - to his cute nymphomaniac wife Liane.

Back on the road, briefly they spot Maria standing in line outside a theater showing Harold's favorite movie, Sixteen Candles, before picking up Neil Patrick Harris (as himself), the actor known for playing Doogie Hawser MD, hitchhiking ("Wherever God takes me") and in the mood not for hamburgers but fur-burgers - poontang! Next it's hooligans (white extremist punks), a racist cop, a jail cell for Harold with a fat African-American man (arrested for being black) who accepts whatever happens ("The universe tends to unfold as it should"), jail break, and a wild ride on a cheetah before Harold gets smacked in the forehead with a tree branch.

Finally they steal the truck (with hang-gliding gear) from the white extremist punks. What about the burgers? Oh yeah, they each eat thirty of them with fries and beverages. Four years later in Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay it'll be the next day with Harold having the cut across his brow.

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Copyright © 2008 Patrick Ivers. All rights reserved.
Reproduced with the permission of the copyright holder.

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