(1996) From performances onstage: 1977 in LA, 1982 at Carnegie Hall, 1988 in Union City, NJ, and beginning with "The Seven Words You Can't Say on TV" in Phoenix, Arizona, stand-up comedian George Carlin offers observations, plays with words, and tells the truth as he sees it.

Needing a list of words - "It's always somebody else's list" that changes depending on where and when and who - "bad, dirty, filthy, foul … rude, crude, lewd … words," but not those that are only sometimes inappropriate or merely suggestive (such as "ass," "bitch," "cock" - notice how many can refer to animals or something other? - "screw," "prick," "jugs," "knockers"), that are always prohibited on the boob tube in the livingroom, Carlin assembles a vocabulary of the always awful: "shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, farts, and tits."

The last two and "piss" really don't belong with the big bad boys and girl; "motherfucker" is more or less a duplicate of "fuck," and "cocksucker" if disassembled is largely harmless. However, others could be added, including "twat," "puntang," "cornhole," and "dingleberry." (I've heard Garrison Keillor say "turd" often on A Prairie Home Companion, so it can't be as nasty as "shit.") There are other words we can't say in other locations, such as "Fire!" in a crowded theater when there isn't a fire, or "I have a bomb" on an airplane.

While it's okay to talk about or build a plot around fucking on TV - what else is meant by "going on a honeymoon," "I want you to sleep with you," "Let's make love"? - the word itself, the champ carrying all its emotional baggage, is absolutely taboo. "You're not a bad word," says Carlin, just in with a bad crowd. "Fuck," which means "make love and make life," has a bad reputation because "we fucked it up" with hostility and aggression. Inspired by the aphorism "Make love not war," Carlin suggests his own: "Make fuck not kill" along with interchanging the two words as in "To Fuck a Mockingbird."

In another skit, "Stuff," George informs us of how we need a house to collect and lock up all of our stuff so that we can go out and buy more stuff. Did you ever notice when you're over at someone else's house: "Their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff"? But when you lose something, your first reaction may be that someone stole it. Well, "it didn't just get up and walk away." So then you look around and say: "I've looked everywhere." But obviously, you couldn't have looked everywhere. So, "where do these thing go when they're lost?" Heaven is where you get back everything you've lost, except for your virginity, good judgment, and any missing cash.

George distinguishes between cats and dogs. "Dogs have nothing to do," they're always waiting for something to happen, think everything lasts forever, and "don't care," while cats are never embarrassed and refuse to accept blame: "Something break? Ask the dog."

Al Sleet the hippy-dippy weatherman says: "Tonight's forecast - dark." If asked Carlin occasionally plays Monopoly and when he lands on "Chance" he tries to buy it: "Some guys cared; that's why they won." What separates human erecti from other animals? We walk upright on two feet and wear hats. George complains (as does Greg Brown in a song) that "Everybody wants me to have a nice day."

Carlin remarks on the differences between baseball and football. The 20th-century game of football, employing the language of warfare (blitz, bombs, a combination of ground and air offenses), is played during the fall and winter in any kind of weather on the gridiron, according to a strict time frame. Football has penalties for unnecessary roughness; baseball keeps track of errors and sacrifices. Baseball fans want to know: "Who's up next?" Football fans want to know: Which down is it?" In baseball the defense puts the ball in play, the manager wears the same uniform as the players, and "the 19th-century pastoral game" is played on a diamond in a park in the spring and summer, keeping score with runs over a series of innings (without regard for length of play) with "the object to go home and be safe."

So if you want to have a nice day, go kill yourself.

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Copyright © 2008 Patrick Ivers. All rights reserved.
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