(1984, b/w; English) A pair of incompatible philosophies collide on celluloid: life is short, so have fun while you can, and get the other guy before he can get you, versus "acceptance, forgiveness, and love."

Reminiscing about the old days with half a dozen of his comic cronies at Carnegie Delicatessen Restaurant in Manhattan, Sandy Baron tells his favorite story about theatrical manager Danny Rose (Woody Allen).

A decent, honest guy with freakish acts - a blind xylophone player, a balloon-folding couple, a guy with birds that pick out tunes on a piano, a woman who makes wine glasses sing - Danny, formerly a standup comedian in the Catskills, whose best clients always depart after a little success, goes all out to help lounge singer Lou Canova (Nick Apollo Forte), a has-been who'd had a hit song "Agita" in the '50s, with his comeback, taking advantage of a rising popular interest in nostalgia.

Picking out Lou's clothes and songs, dealing with the man's temperamental ego and drinking problem, Danny, after putting his top client on cruise ships, gets Lou booked at the Waldorf to perform in front of Milton Berle with a chance of going on to Caesar's Palace and a TV show. A complication gums up the works: Lou, who's married with kids and paying alimony to wife number one, asks Danny to be his beard and bring his mistress Tina Vitale (Mia Farrow) to the show: "She gives me confidence. I love her."

A tough blonde moll who wears dark glasses (her former husband had been a juice man for the mob, collecting for loan sharks), Tina, however, is upset with Lou, whom she suspects of two-timing her; worse, her ex-boyfriend Johnny is Mafia. Under a misapprehension - seeing Danny with Tina at a family gathering, whom jealous Johnny believes has been sending her a single white rose daily - Johnny's mother vows a vendetta on Danny, and Johnny's brothers Joe and Vita, hitmen, pursue.

Guilt and compassion are the big themes of writer/director Allen's comedy. An unsuspecting ventriloquist (whose act is so bad not even Danny's willing to take him as a client), Barney Dunn, whom Danny thinks is safely out of reach, performing on a cruise, becomes a victim when Danny, to protect Lou, names him as Tina's lover. Tina and Lou, however, have earlier made an arrangement with another theatrical agent, Sid Bacharach, for Lou's career after the Waldorf.

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