(2009) "How does it feel to get beat up by your hero?" asks a reporter of Paul Aufiero (Patton Oswalt), a 36-year-old bachelor who lives with his mother on Staten Island and works as a parking-garage attendant. Along with his buddy Sal (Kevin Corrigan), Paul lives and dies by his New York Giants football team; they attend home games, sitting in the parking lot (unable to afford tickets inside the stadium) - Paul wearing the #54 jersey for quarterback Quantrell Bishop - listening to the game on the radio.

In his bedroom with Bishop's poster on the wall, the delayed adolescent calls in (with scripted comments) to air his views on the Sports Dogg's talk show, ragging on his rival Philadelphia Phil's Eagles; his mother ("Grow up and get a life") complains about his late-night phone calls disturbing her sleep while Sal in his apartment enthusiastically listens to his pal's harangue.

At a birthday party for his nephew in the home of his brother Jeff (Gino Cafarelli), a successful ambulance-chasing lawyer, and Jeff's enormously-endowed second wife Gina (Serafina Fiore), Paul's brother-in-law Dennis offers to get him work at Price Club, but Paul says he has a career. "You have a career?" says his mother (Marcia Jean Kurtz): "That's news to me." His sister Christine asks: "Don't you want something better?"

Riding home with his mother, Paul goes into a tirade about Jeff's having cheated on his first wife with then secretary Gina; his mom unkindly mentions: "You date your hand." Pathetic Paul doesn't want what his siblings have - good jobs and families - in director/writer Robert D. Siegel's curious loser's zeromance of an extraordinary football fanatic who enjoys what little he has, so long as his Giants win.

Out driving in his mom's car in the evening of November 30th, Paul and Sal (who doesn't have his own wheels either) espy the QB (Jonathan Hamm) and a passenger in a black SUV; the two fans follow the vehicle to a modest (suspicious) residential address in Stapleton and then into Manhattan where they pursue their quarry into a titty bar.

After paying a cover charge and $9 for a Bud Lite, the boys attempt a few gambits (a visit to the men's room at the same time) - "Now what?" "Buy him a drink" - before boldly walking over to the table where Bishop's seated with attractive ladies and his homeboys to introduce themselves as "big fans." Once Paul lets slip that they've been tailing their favorite sports star from Staten Island, Bishop reacts with outrage, pummeling the pudgy Paul Pry.

Waking up three days later with a black eye on Monday in the hospital, having suffered a hematoma to his skull, the first thing Paul asks of Sal is who won the game on Sunday against Kansas City. The Chiefs defeated the Giants because Bishop has been suspended, pending an investigation into a (newspaper headline) "senseless attack."

Police detective Velarde (Matt Servitto) visits Paul, wanting his deposition for charges of aggravated assault. Paul's brother Jeff insists that "Money is justice" when dealing with a "rich, spoiled, millionaire athlete": "He's gotta pay…. Hit him where it hurts in his wallet." But when Paul refuses to cooperate with either (claiming amnesia and "I don't wanna sue"), Jeff says sarcastically: "How do you get a concussion when you don't have no fuckin' brains?"

They just don't understand: the Giants are in first place, ahead of the Philadelphia Eagles, with three games to go on the way (Paul and Sal hope) to the Super Bowl, and the team needs Bishop back at QB. Back on the air, Paul defends Bishop, reminding listeners that a man is innocent until proven otherwise.

The investigation stalls (with no other witnesses willing to testify, Velarde appeals to Paul: "You wouldn't want a crime like this to go unpunished"), but Bishop remains ineligible to play against Dallas; with two games left - in a restaurant Paul pours extra sugar into his glass of Coca Cola before telling the detective he still "can't remember" what happened - the case is dropped. Tied for first place with the Eagles, the Giants will play the final game for the division championship in Philadelphia.

A reporter for the New York Daily News calls Paul, asking about the $77-million lawsuit filed against Quantrell Bishop. Calling Sports Dogg to broadcast his "press conference," following Philadelphia Phil's earlier IDing him - "Time I cleared the record straight" - Paul begins to say that it was all a misunderstanding when his mother breaks in.

Despondent he drives alone down to Philadelphia after buying an Eagles jersey with McNabb's name and number 5, paints on a green-and-white game face, and goes to a sports bar where Phil had invited him on air to come over to the other side.

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Copyright © 2009 Patrick Ivers. All rights reserved.
Reproduced with the permission of the copyright holder.

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